


No Virgins - the drabble series

by mandykaysfic



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Drabble, Drabble Sequence, F/M, First Time, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-27
Updated: 2014-02-27
Packaged: 2018-01-13 23:19:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1244215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandykaysfic/pseuds/mandykaysfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After yet another incident involving Ancient tech and alien rituals, Dr Weir makes a new rule.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Virgins - the drabble series

**Author's Note:**

> S1 Prequel to _Lorne's Team._
> 
> Contains the birth of Rodney's spreadsheets.

**Dr Weir's Decree**  
Characters: Weir, McKay, Stackhouse, Markham  
Rating: PG-13

 

“They wanted to sacrifice Markham,” reported Stackhouse. “For the usual reason,” he added.

“That's the third time this month,” said Elizabeth, tactfully ignoring Markham's flush. She consulted her notes. “Rodney, you've been captured and almost sacrificed four times.”

“These relics, how do they know?” wondered Zelenka.

“That's assuming they're right,” blustered Rodney.

Elizabeth interrupted. “It's irrelevant whether they're right. The natives believe they are. I can see only one solution. Virgins are now no longer permitted on gate teams. DADT is hereby in abeyance at my discretion. All teams are responsible for their own status before their next mission. Dismissed.”

END

 

**Team Meeting**  
Characters: Sheppard, McKay, Teyla, Ford  
Rating: PG

 

Sheppard called a team meeting in his quarters.

“You heard what Elizabeth said. Virgins are now no longer permitted on gate teams and we have to fix it.”

“Oh, please. Like you're going to believe some religious artifact. It probably reacts to the ATA gene. Markham's the only one on his team with it,” said Rodney.

“They do not glow for Colonel Sheppard,” murmured Teyla.

Sheppard pulled something from his desk. It was a relic he'd lifted from PX4-556. He tossed it to Ford, who gave it to Teyla. When Rodney took it, it glowed blue and he flushed red.

END

 

**First Time Tales**  
Characters: Sheppard, McKay, Teyla, Ford  
Rating: PG-13

 

“Hang on a minute. How do we know it reacts to virgins? What if it doesn't react to virgins, only to the experienced?” Rodney knew he was grasping at straws.

“I am not virgin,” said Teyla. “I had my womanhood ceremony in my fifteenth year.” She smiled reminiscently.

“I was fifteen too,” joined in Ford. “Her name was Maisie and she was in the class above me.”

“Senior prom,” muttered Sheppard when everyone looked expectantly in his direction. “Rodney?”

“Fine. Yes, it's some sort of automatic virginity detector.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“It's okay. We're team, remember.”

END

 

**The Virginity Detector**  
Characters: Sheppard, McKay, Teyla, Ford  
Rating: PG-13

 

Teyla examined the virginity detector. She looked at the cylinder and reflected upon its appropriate shape. “All teams should have access to this. It would assist them in knowing they were mission ready. Perhaps the Infirmary?”

“Oh great,” groaned Rodney. “Everyone will know when the teams borrow it. Others will to try to get it for their own nefarious purposes.” He pictured Kavanagh placing it around the labs and watching for it to glow when someone moved it.

John shook his head. “Let's deal with that later. We need to be mission ready in two days.” He stared at Rodney.

END

 

**Teyla's Offer**  
Characters: Rodney/Teyla, Sheppard  
Rating: PG-13

 

“I would be honored, Rodney.” Teyla smiled. “Would you prefer my quarters or yours?”

Rodney flushed and stuttered something. He didn't feel like sex; he felt sick.

“Err, good idea. Go with Teyla, buddy. We can meet for breakfast.” John practically pushed the couple from his room. He waved Ford out after them. He flung himself onto his bed and tried not to think about Rodney losing his virginity to Teyla.

He hadn't expected Rodney at his door before dawn. Rodney strode over to the desk and held up the virginity detector. John also hadn't expected it still to glow.

END

 

**A Little Conversation**  
Characters: Sheppard, McKay  
Rating: PG-15

 

“You wanna talk about it?” offered John.

“There's not much to talk about, obviously.”

“Maybe it's wrong.”

“How can it be wrong? You're either a virgin or you're not.”

“It interprets things differently?”

Rodney snorted.

“Wait! Let's think this through logically. It must be linked to the physical act of sex between two people. I mean, if it was only reaching orgasm, you'd be right.” John paused. “You do... you know?”

“Of course I 'you know'.” Rodney added air quotes.

“And you're not actually... umm... asexual or anything like that?”

Rodney sighed. “No.”

“So you do want sex?”

“God, yes.”

 

END

 

**If That Doesn't Count, What Does?**  
Characters: Sheppard, McKay (mentions Rodney/Teyla)  
Rating: PG-15

 

“Okay, so jerking off alone doesn't count.” John snapped his fingers. “What about mutual masturbation?”

Rodney shook his head. “I did that with Teyla. It's still glowing.”

“You both came?” The tips of John's ears turned pink.

“Of course. I got that right, at least.”

John picked up the virginity detector and shook it. He looked up at the ceiling. “Oral sex?” he suggested after a few minutes.

“No.... Then when it came to... well, I couldn't....” Rodney blushed even harder.

“Stupid thing must only count penetration as sex. “

Rodney responded with asperity, “What does it think happens with fingers?”

END

 

**A Germ of an Idea**  
Characters: Sheppard, McKay  
Rating: PG-15

 

“What does it think happens with fingers?” repeated Rodney.

“Fingers don't actually have to....” John gestured descriptively.

“I know that, but ours did, okay?”

John raised an eyebrow, not sure how he should respond. In the end, he nodded and continued, “Then I suppose it won't recognize oral sex either even though....” He trailed off, thinking about mouths being penetrated and tongues penetrating. He sighed. It had been quite a while since he'd done any of that. He thought about Teyla. He thought about Aiden. He thought about Rodney. He thought about Elizabeth's new rule. Then he got an idea.

END

 

**The Need for Training**  
Characters: Sheppard, McKay  
Rating: PG-13

 

“Even though Elizabeth has the right idea, she hasn't thought it through.”

“What?” squawked Rodney. He was stressed enough, thank you.

“Think about it. Bates' team last week?”

The grapevine was efficient. Everyone knew Bates participated in a competitive circle jerk to gain entrance to a temple. They hoped there'd been nothing of value inside because he'd come third. The trouble was, Henderson proved he'd have won.

“It'd be an advantage if teams knew in advance who's best at what. We need another type of training session.”

Rodney groaned. He didn't want to lose his virginity in a training session.

END

 

**Birth of the Spreadsheets**  
Characters: Sheppard, McKay  
Rating: PG-15

 

Rodney paced.

John pontificated. “Teyla says spilling of male seed is a common requirement, so let’s concentrate on that. Distance is obvious, thanks to Bates and Henderson. Stackhouse had to make a contribution into a sacred bowl. He barely made it to the marked line, so we need volume.”

“Don't forget time considerations,” put in Rodney.

John flushed. Ford hadn't been the best choice for that ritual. “Okay. Fastest, slowest, ability to delay coming without assistance. With assistance too. I'm sure there'll be cockrings out there somewhere. Rodney, make a list.”

“You don't need a list; you need a spreadsheet.”

END

 

**Rodney's Choice**  
Characters: Sheppard, McKay  
Rating: PG

 

Rodney had the basic spreadsheet ready before breakfast. John suggested going to eat.

Rodney demurred. “I don't want to see Teyla right now.”

“Um, yeah. Right. Well, we can bring trays back to my quarters. Or yours. Or my office.”

“Maybe your office would be better.”

* * *

They ate in silence. Rodney crumbled the last of his muffin. “So, when did you plan to start these new training sessions,” he asked, deciding to build up to his main concern.

“As soon as possible, I thought.”

Rodney gulped. He said flatly, “I don't want to lose my virginity in a training session.”

END

 

**John's Offer**  
Characters: Sheppard, McKay  
Rating: PG

 

If he were at all honest, John didn't want Rodney to lose his virginity in a team training session either. He was old-fashioned enough to believe it should be special if at all possible. Of course, in private with his team was eminently preferable to being forced in public.

If he were even more honest, he wanted to be the one to make it special for Rodney. There was something vulnerable about Rodney's face and it gave John the courage to ask the question, except it came out, “Would you...? With me, I mean.”

Thankfully, Rodney understood. “I... Yes... When?”

END

 

**Carson's Contribution**  
Characters: Sheppard, Carson  
Rating: G

 

John consulted his schedule and cleared his afternoon. He suggested Rodney spend the morning in the labs and do the same. After Rodney left, he also canceled his morning appointments. He headed for his quarters. To make this special, clean sheets were definitely at the top of the list.

He stammered something when he met Teyla outside his door. She simply smiled and handed him a basket containing candles amongst other things.

Some time later, he made a trip to the Infirmary.

“Aye, I heard Dr Weir's new decree. I've already made up a new gate team kit. Here's yours.”

END

 

**Discussion**  
Characters: Sheppard/McKay  
Rating: PG-13

 

Rodney took in the candles, the flowers and the neatly turned back bed. John's feet were bare; he noticed that particularly. John himself had changed into clean sweats.

“I should go shower and, um, get myself ready,” said Rodney awkwardly.

“You can shower here. And, listen, I figure the virginity detector is so stupid, it's probably,” John cast around for a suitable pop-psychosocial something buzz word and came up with, “heteronormative, you'll need to be the one doing the penetrating.”

“But what if we encounter other virginity detectors that -.”

“Nah. They're probably made by the same god and distributed galaxy-wide.

END

 

**Virgin No More**  
Characters: Sheppard/McKay  
Rating: PG-13

 

To kiss or not to kiss, that was the question.

They shuffled a little closer, and then closer again until they were practically touching. Rodney's swallow was audible in the quiet room.

John took in the candles and flowers he'd gone to the trouble of organizing. he'd been aiming to get away from cold and clinical. Therefore, kissing it was. And the kissing was good. As was the touching and stroking and licking.

Then with John's help, Rodney did also good as the one doing the penetrating.

Finally, the virginity detector didn't light up for anyone on Sheppard's team anymore.

END


End file.
